langit pun diam hari ini

mata mengecil membaca langit

2 minit. 3 minit. lama. 

pejam. rapat. sesal. "kau tersalah langkah lagi"

bodoh. itu yang terjerit dr hati kejam ini

ye memang bodoh. kau la sapa lagi.

kenapa hati kata lain, bdn buat lain.

dah kau memang bodoh, sebab tu kau buat mcm tu.

penat membaca angkasa.

macamlah dapat jawapannya.

mata melihat jari runcing. kiri kanan. garisan halus tangan.

eh mcm bentuk landasan keretapi pulak.

baru nk tersenyum. 

cerita cilake tadi dtg balik. aduhhhh

mengeluh. kalau lah boleh campak jauh jauh.

perang emosi, perang hati, perang otak..

kepala semak. mcm pukimakk 

sssshhhhh ssshhhhhh! apa carut carut nii

tarik nafas. tiup perlahan. lega tak?

TAK. 

pejam mata, bayangkan chenta yang fana

bukak mata, tengok daun hijau.

damai tak?

TAK.

cuba senyum. pahit. kelat. buat buat.

takpaaaa. pura pura. Singapura bolehh?

zzzzzzzzzzz merepekk! 

dah dah la, jangan buat benda bodoh tu lagi lain kali.

jadikan itu bodoh yang terakhir.

aku dah malas nak cakap kau bodoh lagi.

sebab KAU tu adalah AKU

bukan sesiapa. bukan orang lain. 

kali ini langit tak memberi jawapan. entah kenapa dia senyum sahaja. atau mungkin dia mahu katakan tindakan aku betol dan bukan bodoh? cakaplah cakaplah. :p

p/s: sorry post merepek sikit hari ni. apehal tah. 

hidden truth again

1. Your ex texted you and wanted you back. Would you take him/her back?
he choose not to be with me before, so its impossible.
2. Has anyone told you “forever and ever” then left?
yes when i was in form 3. LOL
3. Your relationship status?
single and not looking or searching
4. Where did you meet your crush(es)?
i don't have any. kahkahkah
5. Have you ever lost a close friend?
almost
6. Do you smoke weed regularly?
EXCUSE ME?! i don't take any.
7. Think back to the beginning of 2011. Are you still dating the same person?
nop.
8. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship?
haha takkan kott?
9. When was the last time you really laughed?
8 month ago? :)
10. Something is wrong. First guy you turn too?
my problem solver isn't there for me anymore, so......
11. First girl you’d turn to?
Jia Shamsuri
12. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you did?
yes. people make mistake, so do i
13. Angry at anyone?
now? 1.49 am : NO 
14. What’s stopping you from going for the person you like?
bad attitude, baran, yg buat aku rimas. 
15. When was the last time you cried really hard?
24 November 2010. hahaha am i too detail? hahahhhaahhaaha
16. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
of course, family.
17. Who was the last person you talked to for more than 10 minutes on the phone?
can't remember.
18. What is your favorite song?
jimmy eat world- here you me
19. Do you like Red Bull?
yes, but rarely drink it
20. How many people can you tell just about everything to?
hmmm two maybe
21. Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
no, i don't believe on that.
22. Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?
yes, but it quite long time ago. 
23. Describe yourself in one word.
Independent
24. Do you have anything that belongs to your ex?
many. shirt, jersey. etc
25. Do you rebound?
............
26. Ever cheated on someone?
unfortunately yes.
27. What would you do if you found out the person you like was in a relationship?
if person that i like, I'm okay and doing nothing. if person that love, its different. 
28. Do you act differently around the person you like?
no. i don't know how to be someone else
29. Is it hard to make you laugh?
sometimes. only certain people know how to make me laugh like an evil. i miss them. you guys.
30. Who was the last person to make you mad?
its not a 'person' actually. I'm so fucking pissed off with Maxis. 
31. Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
haha no. i know him well. 
32. Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
yes.
33. Has anyone ever called you scrumptious before?
haha yes
34. Would you like to put a night on repeat and live it forever?
absolutely. pleaseeeeee
35. Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
yes.
26. Is your best friend a slut?
hmmmm so far i don't think so.
27. Is hard drugs a turn off?
i don't know
28. Are you happy with life right now?
yess! i deserve it. :p
29. Are you still in love with your ex?
wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :p
30. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes.
31. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
i wish i can turn back time.
32. Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in?
banyak.
33. Where is your best friend?
always by my side
34. Something you’re happy about?
my new cat, Yu.
35. How is your heart lately?
freedom!


p/s : 29, always and everyday

cuma mungkin

kau takkan jumpa perempuan mcm aku lagi. mungkin ade yg kurang, mungkin ada yg lebih dari aku. tapi takkan ada mcm aku lagi.

aku takkan jumpa lelaki mcm kau lagi. mungkin ade yg kurang, mungkin ada yg lebih dari kau. tapi takkan ada mcm kau lagi.

aku berani janji ini. 

kalaulah muncul depan mata ini, itulah engkau jasad yang sama. yang aku kenali.

cuma mungkin cetus rasa itu tak ada lagi.

kalaulah muncul di depan mata kau suatu hari nanti, inilah juga jasad yg sama engkau kenali.

cuma mungkin hatinya tak sanggup lagi. 

memang kesilapan manusia

manusia. baik macam mana sekali pun, bijak macam mana sekali pun, kesilapan tu mesti ada je kat celah celah. tak silap tak manusia lah nama dia. orang buat silap ada yg disengajakan, ada yang terpaksa, ada yang tak merancang tp terperangkap, ada yang nk selamatkan diri sendiri, ada juga untuk kepentingan diri sendri dan menggunakan org lain. paling kesian, kita langsung tak sedar pada mata mata yang melihat kebodohan yg disengajakan.

ingat lagi status ni 2days ago? after having deep talk with my special adviser, perihal manusia yang buat sesuatu mengikut kata nafsu, memberi ruang dan membenarkan diri diaibkan, memang KESILAPAN. kali ini sama ada sedar ataupun tidak sedar, mata yg melihat ada haknya. 

JADI

jangan salahkan mata yang terang ciptaan Allah ini.

lumrah manusia, dengar aja berita mulalah terus berprasangka. lebih lebih lagi berita durjana. hai mulut manusia, boleh mula mengata kalau dah nampak hitam putihnya. hitam putih itu tak pernah tipu dan palsu. depan mata. apa nak kata? yang tersebar, tak mustahil. nak terkejut apa? kita semua manusia.

JADI

jangan salahkan sok sek sok sek manusia yg tgh teruja. 

pangkalnya, cerita tak akan timbul kalau org betul betul jadi buta. paling penting, mata tak akan memandang pada sesuatu yg tidak dikira aib. tak ada apa yang nak dikejutkan. siapa pun engkau, mana pon engkau berdiri, dimana pon engkau tinggal, kita semua manusia. human being. kesilapan tu ada dimana mana. tapi yang boleh dielakkan, jadilah manusia yang matang dan sayangkan kehidupan sendiri. bukan memberi memberi dan memberi ruang lagi.